Real Men Don’t Text

It is very common for men to collect women’s numbers for a “rainy day.” We pull out our phones, scroll through the address books, and fish for a response. Your text back validates that we are manly and still have what it takes. Or, we communicate over text message in order to save face, because if you fail to respond, it doesn’t feel as much like a rejection as it would over a call or in person.

Some men will tell you exactly what they think you want to hear without meaning a word of it. I don’t care if he texted that you’re his soul mate, he wants to introduce you to his family, he misses you, he loves you, he can’t live without you, he thinks about you constantly, or even that he wants to marry you—if he’s not calling you or taking you on dates, he doesn’t like you. Stop asking your friends if he does. 

A text message can represent a lack of courage and a deterioration of respect for women. We respect standards and love the challenge of dating you. Lowering your standards only perpetuates the cycle because you make it easier for us to drag you along without intention. “Playing it cool” doesn’t work because real men don’t appreciate easy. Easy and convenient might land you a date this weekend, but in most cases it won’t get you a ring. You deserve utmost respect and a guy who will commit to you—now start acting like it.

Now, before Verizon or AT&T starts sending me hate mail, a brief disclaimer. I don’t have a problem with men texting for a quick change of plans or to say hello during the day. Just be careful to monitor how often you are texting and ask yourself, Do I feel more comfortable with him over text or face-to-face? If the answer is text, you are texting too much. A great way to escape a texting trap is to delay texting back (one hour is a generally good rule) and then be intentional about ending the conversation. “Okay, looking forward to it! Call me later.” As a general rule, texting should always be leading toward a face-to-face relationship, not replacing one.

However, texting is unacceptable for

the initial “getting to know you” phase of a relationship.

setting up a date.

asking you to meet his parents.

telling you he loves you for the first time.

arguing with you.

breaking up with you.

getting back together with you.

Let me be clear: texting falls somewhere between smoke signals and armpit noises in the chain of effective communication.

The truth? If he can’t pick up the phone and call you during the first few months of dating, when most men are on their best behavior, how will he treat you down the road—especially if you end up at the altar with a man who didn’t have the nerve to call and ask you on a date?

Taken from Real Men Don’t Text by Ruthie Dean and Michael Dean. Copyright © 2013. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved. Represented by Tyndale House Publishers, Inc.

Late-night texts. Mixed signals. Dead-end relationships.
This doesn’t have to be your love life.

Welcome to dating in the digital world—where phone conversations followed by dinner and a movie have been replaced by last-minute texts, ambiguous relationships, and vague group hangouts.

While technology makes it faster and easier to connect than ever before, it has also created confusion . . . And heartbreak.

Ruthie and Michael Dean have heard the same story from thousands of women: the disappearing men, the cryptic messages, the disappointing relationships, and the false intimacy of on-screen connection.

In a no-holds-barred narrative style, the husband-and-wife team chronicles their dating mishaps, hilarious attempts to find love, and many mistakes—helping women understand just what men are thinking and how to attract Mr. Right.

Real Men Don’t Text offers game-changing perspectives, bringing a fresh approach to love, sex, and dating. You don’t need to spend one more night staring at a phone screen. It’s time to take back your love life!

Ruthie and Michael Dean grew up just down the street from one another, but not being fans of convenience, they fell in love long-distance while Ruthie lived in China and Michael lived in Germany. Now happily married, the Deans love to run, take advantage of Sunday coffee dates (without technology), and can often be spotted driving around Nashville in Michael’s classic Ford truck. You can learn more about Michael and Ruthie, and share your own stories of dating, love, and romance on Ruthie’s blog, www.ruthiedean.com, or on Twitter @MichaelDean10 or @Ruthie_Dean.