Relationships take work and communication. Talking about your body can be healing and important to your own confidence and view of self. Regardless of whether or not your husband is supportive of your weight and size, learning how to verbalize your thoughts on the matter can breed a new level of intimacy. Whether with a Neutral Nate, Pete the Pig, your therapist, or your best friend, here are some tools to help you get the words out.
Clarify your expectations—for yourself.
As easy as it might be to brush it under the rug, let’s all just own an uncomfortable truth: So much about our body journey can become about crafting a body for others. We think we should lose weight so we can be more attractive to our husbands or potential dates. We choose our health goals based on what we think our romantic partners want us to be. That’s not healthy, even in an intimate relationship. First and foremost, remind yourself that your body is not a reward for anyone else. It doesn’t exist merely to bring visual or sexual pleasure to another person. Instead, it’s a vehicle for you to live life, walk out your purpose, and enjoy the process of it all. Your primary goal is to shape your health and wellness so your body is equipped to carry you on that journey.
Bodies are handcrafted to navigate us through life. Celebrating them is appropriate; celebrating them together
with your spouse in an intimate way is appropriate and fun. But even in those settings, your body does not derive its
value from other people, even those you love most intimately. Your sexiest self is your healthiest self, both inwardly and outwardly, so decide for yourself what makes you feel sexy and beautiful. Pursue those goals because they’re something you want, not because you’re trying to fit someone else’s ideal.
Change your thinking about thinking.
Remove the self-doubt you have about your body as a sexual agent. Sex is one of God’s greatest designs, and it needn’t be something it wasn’t designed to be. It’s about unity— two individuals coming together in their full vulnerability. Letting our guard down to that degree is what makes it such a sacred act . . . and what makes it fun. The width and weight of your body are not what make getting frisky so amazing. In a sense, reducing sex to being good only if your body looks a certain way is stripping away the depth of intimacy you could be experiencing with the one you love. It may sound crazy to some, but when Phil grabs my love handles and pulls me close and kisses me like he’s going off to war, it is the biggest turn- on. Not just because he’s a great kisser, but because his hands can travel across the surfaces that have caused me the most angst throughout my entire life. Now that’s intimacy. Just as baring your sacred secrets brings you closer to a friend, baring your skin to your husband can do the same. Let your guard down a bit, and be willing to get vulnerable. Chances are, the things that you’re so discontent with bear no real weight in terms of how attracted your husband is to you. If you haven’t found the one yet, now is a great time to shed the self-doubt you have about that future encounter too! And to be honest, it’s the love and companionship that make sex something special—not some arbitrary body standard.
Talk about bodies.
You want your husband to care about the parts of your body journey that are important to you, so communicate that to him. I remember so many times becoming frustrated with Phil over just how much he didn’t seem to care about my body. Sure, I could appreciate that I could be the size of a straw or the size of a hippopotamus and he would still find me attractive, but sometimes a girl wants to chat, you know? He loved me for me, he said—I never believed him. So eventually, we talked about it. It took quite a bit of open communication for me to help
my husband understand that I wanted him to care about my body.
Not too much.
Oh, and not too little!
Oh, and not like that!
But that’s what it’s about. Open, honest, vulnerable communication. The same holds true for men who are a bit less
forgiving in their view on bodies. Although it is difficult, we owe it to ourselves and to our relationship to be honest
about how those comments make us feel, what our goals are, and what our pain points or struggles are. These conversations can reveal that men have their own body insecurities too, and they can be a great place to solicit involvement in our body-positivity journey from the one we love most. It all starts with open communication.
Taken from Your Good Body by Jennifer Taylor Wagner. Copyright © 2022. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers. All rights reserved.
Discover a fresh approach to moving, fueling, and loving your good body well!
So many of us feel as though accepting our bodies means abandoning any effort to improve. We look in the mirror and tell ourselves that we are going to love the skin we are in, but most days our inner self-critic is all we can hear. We constantly ask ourselves
- How can I have a healthy lifestyle that will keep me motivated and inspired?
- Why does it even matter how I think about my body? Can’t I just lose weight and be happy?
- What is it going to take for me to be content with the way I look, even if I’m not thin?
But there is hope! Pursuing the healthiest version of you means learning to love the reflection in the mirror, and Jennifer Wagner understands this all too well. From looking at her today, you wouldn’t know that she used to weigh 336 pounds. During her 16-year health and wellness journey, she has felt the deep anguish of torment from peers and strangers, let the scale dictate her moods, and cried herself to sleep all because of her “imperfect” body. But ultimately, Jennifer realized that to overcome the overwhelming negative feelings about her body, she needed to start with her mind and let go of all the expectations of perfection that were keeping her from being the best version of herself.
Embark on this journey with Jennifer as your guide and learn to live a life of healthy habits and positive motivation to take care of your good body.
What do you think?